Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
even my farts smell like vagina
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
