I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
