You really coming over, don't trick.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
