I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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