she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
