I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
