he puts the penis in happiness.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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