TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
