just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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