sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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