in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
sex in a hospital.. check
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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