Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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