Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
