Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
