Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My vagina just clenched in fear
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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