Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Randomize
