Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
