I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Is it because I queefed?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
