Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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