Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
if only i could text you this smell
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
