i would punch a child for taco bell
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
