bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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