did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
