i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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