How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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