So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
