Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Will exercising make me less horny?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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