just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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