ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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