Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Dicks are not precious.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
