How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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