Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
