Your face is a jimmy john
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
