Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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