dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
