hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize