If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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