she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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