Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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