You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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