im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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