Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
