I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
