all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i think i just lost a toe
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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