i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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