Don't make out with my wife yet
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
