His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
