Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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