Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
