I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
