Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
When did angry sex become our thing?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize