Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
