shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
