If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
