Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
