Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
