Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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