In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
