im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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