Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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