Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
