Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
