his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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