i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
