You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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