I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
