Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize