so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm just crazy horny about you
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
