my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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