I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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