I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
