margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
