when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
