he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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