ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize