I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
