Your mouth is God's brothel.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
