neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Randomize
