I skipped work to stalk him.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize