i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
