All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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