god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
