yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
