shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
