im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
